July 24, 2011
Everywhere, and in all things...
When I received the phone call last Tuesday, I was in a dressing room, hoping to find a dress to wear to a close friend's wedding. "Don't you already have some dresses you could wear?" Steve had asked that day. But I didn't want to wear an old dress. I wanted a new one. I tried to convince him that paying some crazy amount at Anthropologie wasn't a big deal, and in the back of my mind, secretly wondered if I would have time to find a new pair of shoes too. But when I got the phone call about my grandpa, it was as if God took me by the shoulders and gave me a firm shake. For a split second I glanced at the dresses on the hangers. You need to go! Now! I piled them quickly into a heap over my arm, dropped them on the counter, and ran out of the store.
Over these past few days, I've spent most hours of the day at the hospital with my grandpa. I watched in hope as he started to open his eyes and seemed to recognize us, and then felt my heart drop when he had to be placed on a strong sedative again. I've been struck by how closely I'm paying attention to everything, and how quickly the moments of joy, fear, and disappointment come and go. I've tried to depend on the one thing that I know is constant--the encouragement and hope of turning to God, reading scripture, and lifting up my fears and doubts in prayer.
Since Tuesday, so much has changed. Last night, my sister, Robin came back to the states for good, and will be staying with us until she gets married. We've already started working on some last-few-months-before-the-wedding tasks. I can't believe her wedding day is exactly 2 months from today.
Today's contrasts of joy and pain remind me that in all circumstances, God is teaching me. He's teaching me to remember what is important, because inevitably there will be hard times. God sustains us in the difficult times, and the same God also gives us our happiest moments in life. I am thankful that in all of these times, God is there too.
I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. Everywhere, and in all things, I have learned to endure both fullness and hunger, both to have plenty and to be in need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.