12 Months

It's been a year since Miles was born, and for the first time in all of these monthly reflections, I feel the bittersweet ache of my baby growing up.  Up until now I've been mostly excited to watch him grow and meet his milestones.  Now, I'm getting to know that twinge of sadness that I've heard so many mothers talk about.

I started reminiscing about Miles's birth day a few days ago, since the process of birthing him actually started a few days before his birthday.  I watched the video that my sister had taken while I was in labor for the first time since that day.  Many emotions came flooding back, and I was suddenly filled with gratitude.  Gratitude for the nurses, my doctor, our friend who acted as the doula, my mom, sister, and of course, Steve, for being by my side.  Gratitude for my baby being born healthy, and even for the cleft he had on his neck, which reminds me that imperfections still make us perfect.  I am thankful that Miles is surrounded by so many friends and family members who love him so much (I could send my mom and sister five videos a day and they would still ask for more).  I can not thank God enough for sending us this little boy, and for the joy he has brought to our lives.

I have learned so much from only one year of motherhood, and I just know I have many many more lessons to go.  This is daunting as I wonder how many more times I will be chasing a baby with a poopy diaper still halfway attached to his bottom who heads straight for the toilet, and quickly plunges his hand into the toilet bowl.  I'm sure many more times.  But it's also exciting to know that if I let Him, God is shaping me to be a mother who is humbled daily and reminded often how beautiful the little things in life are.

One of those little things happened on the night before Miles's birthday when I was putting him down to bed.  He started to cry loudly when I left the room, and although he sometimes does this and I usually let him work it out himself, I felt differently that night.  After a few minutes, I decided to go back in, pick him up and cuddle him on my shoulder for just a few more minutes.  He calmed down right away, rubbed his face against my shoulder and let out a long sigh.  I rocked him, hearing his breath in my ear, and thanked God for this little being who needs me, just like I need him.

On Miles's birthday I tried to think about things he would like to do, but all I came up with is playing outside and eating.  So that's what we did.  

Later in the evening we met up with my family at The Great Wheel, down on the waterfront.  It was our first time and such a beautiful day to look out at the city.

There are three August birthdays in my family, so we celebrated them all: Steve's, my grandmother's, and Miles's.  We had dinner afterwards and enjoyed the sunshine.  It was a great day.

When we got home, I finished up this short video I had been working on.  I wanted to compile many of the videos we have taken (mostly on our phones) over this year to see how much our baby has changed in only 12 months.  Life is definitely richer with Miles in it.  Happy birthday buddy.