30 and a Retreat

I really don't want to forget these days.  I have a very bad long-term memory, and I know that if I don't write things down, post my photos, recall the highlights, then my future self is doomed to forget my 30 year old life.  That would be a shame, because, since turning 30, there have already been some really great times.

My birthday weekend included all of my favorite things: family, messages from friends, good food, some relaxing, and an outing with a few girlfriends.  We took a ferry ride to Bainbridge Island (I had never been) with the goals of eating a good brunch and chasing some good photo opps (instead of our little ones).

The weather was both sunny and rainy, but when it started to get wet, we sat inside the boat and ate Mighty O donuts (brought by Paige--she knows me too well).

Once on the island, we walked to Cafe Nola.  We sat in the back, in a sun-drenched room, sipped coffee and mimosas, and ate breakfast--my absolute favorite meal.

On Saturdays, Bainbridge has a farmer's market, so we walked there next.  Then we perused a few shops and headed back toward the ferry.

It was beautiful.  Mckenzie captured the day behind her lens so well too.

Isn't Ginger lovely?  It was pretty windy on that ferry.

This group shot doesn't really capture just how windy it was on that deck while the ferry was moving.  But once we slowed down and headed into the city, blue skies and a gorgeous skyline awaited us.  There's nothing better than a clear day in Seattle.  It was just a few hours, but that little getaway was a perfect birthday adventure.

***

Then, just a few weeks ago, I joined most of our women's small group up in Anacortes for our self-proclaimed Ladies Retreat.  Paige's parents were incredibly gracious, and let us stay in their home for the weekend.  We split up the meals (Paige's pumpkin bread is pictured below), listened to music, prayed, and shared stories and inspirational thoughts.  

The house had the most beautiful view of the water and islands.  Again, we had some rain and wind, but it was cozy and quiet and calm.

We decided to do something crazy: go out to a nice dinner, order drinks, take a ridiculous amount of time reading through the menu, and order more desserts than we could ever possibly finish.  It was amazing!

On our last morning, we slept in (it was daylight savings!) and enjoyed another breakfast (Susan's biscuits are pictured below).  Then, we headed to the beach.  Right on cue, the sun came out to join us.

Paige and Tina were pretty happy to be at the beach. Although we could have all stayed there forever, I think we also missed our husbands and kids.

I had such a great time with these women, but more than that, I felt listened to and loved. In the middle of our busy lives, I'm thankful that we took some time away.  And I'm even more thankful for these friendships.

6 Months

Things are changing around here.  On the evening of Miles's half birthday I noticed two little jagged teeth, breaking through his gums.  This explained the fussy days we'd been having and the faces like these that he'd been making--exploring the new addition to his mouth with his tongue and his lips.  

Our little baby is growing, that's for sure, although he still remains pretty lean (and long).  We're using size 3 diapers, 6-12 or 9 month clothes, and his infant socks no longer fit him. There's a little bit more hair there, but it's very blonde, just like his eyelashes.  I grow more and more in love with his little face every day.  And these little feet.

Miles loves being outside.  He could sit forever on our laps on the porch, watching cars go.  He gets fussy sitting around the house, but hardly ever outside.  Miles loves going on walks and taking trips in the car, something he used to really hate doing.  He is becoming much more observant of his surroundings.

I can't believe I've been a mom for over half a year now.  When I look back on my posts from the first few months of motherhood, I realize that they don't really capture how difficult it was.  Of course I loved our baby from the moment he was here, but it was all such a haze of new learning, sleep deprivation, and figuring out who this new little person was.  I remember feeling relieved when I'd put Miles to sleep for the night--we had made it through another day.  Maybe, just maybe, I'd have a few moments to myself where I wouldn't have to nurse or burp, or soothe a crying baby.  I couldn't identify it then, but I realize now, I felt guilty for feeling this way.  Shouldn't I be in love with being a mother?  Shouldn't I miss him while he's asleep?  Shouldn't life always be like the happy picture of our family that's framed in the dining room? I struggled with feelings of self doubt, frustration, and a bit of resentment--and--looking back, it really distracted me from enjoying my time with my little guy.

Then, I went back to work, and since then, life has gotten crazy in a different way.  Mornings are the busiest, as I run around the house, putting together the diaper bag, milk for the day, pumping supplies, lunches for Steve and me...I get to work, often 20 minutes late, teach, pump, teach, pump, go to meetings and rush home to pick up Miles.  Then, with a cranky baby (by evening, he's pretty tired), I attempt to make dinner, give him a bath (dinner sometimes burns), and put him to bed.  Around this time, Steve usually arrives home and I finish up dinner, we eat, and then I begin an evening routine, which involves prepping meals, lesson planning, pumping and cleaning up the house.  I can't say it's relaxing, but after almost two months of being back at work, I think I'm finally becoming more efficient.  Steve and I often talk about how different evenings are now--if there are spare moments, you take advantage of them by getting something done, and if you don't, that task that you were avoiding may come back to bite you. I had always heard it was true, but now I really know: sitting on the couch and watching a movie is truly a luxury once a baby comes along.

But I have to say, in these past few months, I have noticed many changes in myself and my outlook on this new life.  I've accepted the busyness, and I enjoy the sense of productivity each day.  It's tiring and often stressful (finishing an IEP, five minutes before the meeting, while pumping in the staff bathroom can't be good for one's blood pressure), but it's becoming my own new rhythm.

I don't enjoy being away from my little boy though.  Lately I've been struck by how deeply I love him.  There's a new joy when I'm around him.  Now, I miss him when I put him to sleep, and look forward to playing, walking, and nursing him while he's awake.  Miles is becoming my little sidekick, my little buddy.  I think I'm beginning to realize--truly realize--that I'm his mother forever.

So many things could be responsible for this new outlook.  I'm away during the day, and it's probably natural to miss my time at home with Miles.  He's also growing and changing so much, and becoming more responsive.  But I attribute this shift in my mind and heart to God, and the power of His spirit to change me.  Lately I have been aware of peace in the middle of a busy schedule and joy that is unlike other feelings of happiness I've felt before.  This can only be from God.

There's a song I love that captures this idea that God knows us so well, and desires that we're always changing and growing to better reflect his light.  I heard it the other day and it was a perfect reminder:

As the dew falls on the blade 

You have touched all this fragile frame

And as a mother knows her baby's face

You know me, You know me

Savior, you have known me as I am

Healer, You have known me as I was

As I will be

In the morning, in the evening, You have known me

You know me

And as the exhilaration of autumn's bite

You have brought these tired bones to brilliant life

And as the swallow knows, she knows the sky

This is how it is with You and I

This is how it is with You and I

From the fall of my heart

To the resurrection of my soul

You know me God, and you know my ways

In my rising, in my sitting down

You see me as I am

I love that God has a plan for me--in my job, in my roles as a wife and as a mother.  I love that He has given me eyes to watch my baby grow and to see myself change.  I am thankful that He knows my heart.

Walk in the Park

Saturday walk in Green Lake Park.